Rarely Used Parenthetical Statements

Rarely Used
Parenthetical
Statements.

BY ERIC KARJALA

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(who happens to be white)

(this is the antagonist)

(whose ATM password is 5900)

(which is Latin for fauxhawk)

(full disclosure: this reporter is racist)

(product may contain peanuts, based on Schrödinger's paradoxical thought experiments using quantum superposition)

(no, not that Robocop)

(who will die on page 248)

(incidentally, this reporter is now single, ladies)